Picker Wanted

copyright 08/31/2013

The thing a single guy learns early is that there are two kinds of women when it comes to sex - the ones who will make you feel guilty and the ones who will not.  It's lesson number one.  Lesson number two is avoid the guilt makers if you can unless guilt is not a problem for you.  In which case you might be a psychopath (you know, no social conscience) and should probably seek treatment.

Sometimes you can't stop yourself from getting involved with a guilt maker though.  She might be intellectually stimulating or stimulate various and sundry (good word, that) parts of your anatomy.

The last woman I dated turned out to be category number one.  I knew this early on, after the first date actually, but liked  her a lot and thought we could be friends.  Truthfully, given time, I thought I might fall for her.  The reason I knew she was a category one, she told me the only time she had ever had sex outside of marriage was with her husband.  She said she would never do it with anyone unless - and I forget exactly how she put it but it was said well in Paradise By The Dashboard Lights.

So one night when I stood up to leave her house, she pulled up close and pressed her body against mine.  Knowing what was about to happen I pulled away and said good night.  I assumed our connection had not changed but it had.  A few days after that I got a tick on my arm pretty close to the arm pit making it about impossible for me to get it off.  Called her but no answer.  Left message.  Next day she called and said she wanted to break up.

Back to the dating game.  This time one of those sites.  After the introductory - where do you live, how many kids, YOU ARE NOT MARRIED ARE YOU, stuff I got down to semi-serious persuit.  I had thrown caution to the wind and was talking to this woman without seeing a photo.  LESSON NUMBER 3:  Never talk to a woman who doesn't post a photo!

Anyway as we were talking she said she was looking for a different job...and a man, I thought.  I said, "well I always have a position for a picker.  I don't really need or want a nit picker and since the adoption of harvesting equipment, no cotton picker either.  But I can always use a pea picker, guitar picker, banjo picker and please Jesus, a tick picker!

So she says, I think I might want a job as a picker.

Then I got the photo.  Nope.  No way.  Can't do it.  I'm still looking for that picker...

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