Monday, July 8, 2013

I can't do craigslist

first son:  Dad, what's wrong with Leo?
me:  *shrug*
first son:  He looks awful.  Take him to the vet!
me:  I can't take him to the vet.  You know how much he hates cars.  Last year I did go to the vet and brought home Frontline which cost more than $20 for one month.  The results:

  • Leo hated it.
  • He immediately began licking it off which means he probably ingested way more than got to any ticks or fleas.
  • It didn't help much.

I guess it is fine for people who live in town or places where the land is being tilled, etc.  Here it seems about as useful as an eye dropper to irrigate the desert.  Still I applied it as directed for three months.  After that, Leo not only knew what the little tube was but he could smell it when I clipped the top.  And he was having none of it anymore.
first son:  So get some guineas?
me:  yes.

Enter craigslist:  gu - gun, no.  gun - guns, no.  guin - guinea...guineas, yes!


Hi folks,
I want to buy 6 to 10 of your baby guineas.  I live in the woods and the ticks and fleas are about to eat my cat up.  It is only a matter of time until they come after me.  I have been to Summertown but its been a long time.  However, I'm sure I can find your place if you e-mail me either directions or an address.

no response.

phone (different seller)
ring, ring, ring......ring, ring, ring.  Leave message...."Ricky, leave message."
Hello Ricky, this is David Oliver.  I'm calling about the baby guineas.  Sorry I can't remember my cell phone
number.  I think the only people who have it are solicitors (thank you Verizon), who want to sell me everything except guineas.  I prefer email.  My address is blah, blah, blah.

no response.

My new tactic is this:  The pity email and we'll see how it works.

Dear Guinea Keeper,
My cat looks like he's just went through the barber line at an army induction center.  He got the barber with the missing teeth both in his mouth and the clippers.  I'm sure I'll be next.  It will be hard to tell us apart fur wise.  Both Leo (my cat) and I have agreed to sacrifice in order to pay a premium for the guineas.  Leo is going to do without his yummy canned cat food.  I've agreed to stop renting x...oops, PG rated films.  I believe you can look far and wide and not find anyone more deserving of these rare birds than yours truly.

If that doesn't work, I'll try this:

Dear Guinea Possessor,
My wealthy uncle has repented.  Having gained all his wealth by killing every living thing on his farm to sell the coal off of it, the guilt over his part in global warming has overwhelmed him.  He's decided to give all his wealth to the poor - me - and take up his cross and follow Jesus.  I would like to follow suit but I still have wild oats in my bag.  Yes I'm 65 and I need to get busy sowing but in my defense it was a big bag.  Anyway, what I'm wanting right now is a tree house and a mob of guineas.  I'm still looking for the Wood Elves about the house but hopefully I've found my guineas.  Please reply.  I'll make it worth your while as I'm just sitting here on a pile of money.


Andrew Leon said...

I don't know what these guineas are since it wasn't followed by pigs.
However, you can get this stuff called Comfortis, which is a pill that they eat, to get rid of the fleas. It starts working almost immediately and last about a month. I'm pretty sure they have something equivalent for ticks, but I haven't used that. The Comfortis has worked really well for us, though, and it keeps them from picking up new fleas while outside and stuff.

David Oliver said...

Thank you Andrew! I will find it tomorrow if at all possible. Guineas are kind of like chickens but much more capable of surviving in a hostile environment.

Phillip Oliver said...

I've never used Craigslist but sorry to hear that the sellers there are not up to speed. I bet chickens or guineas would be great to help keep the insects down but I wonder if they would survive the coyotes?

David Oliver said...

That was my first thought too, Phillip. And that was the reason for guineas instead of chickens. There is an acquaintance here who has a litter of puppies. I'm thinking about getting one of those.

At any rate, it looks like Andrew has solved the flea problem which is the worst thing I have right now and never had before. I checked this stuff out at and apparently it works great. It should be here in a couple days. said...

Are guineas different from guinea pigs? I know nothing about these things but it's awfully odd that even a guinea "seller" doesn't want to sell their guineas. I'd suggest skipping to the last resort. Money talks. Otherwise, I don't know, I tend to fix problems with nailpolish remover. It's worth a try. Or not.

Hope Leo gets back to his playful, tick and flea free self soon.


David Oliver said...

Yes Robyn. I had no idea so many people have never heard of guineas. I should have posted a picture. Here in the South they have traditionally been used to rid a place of insect pests. My guess is it began when the country was first settled since I suppose there were no commercial products at that time.

About Leo, me too! He has taken up residence on my piano bench and I'm constantly switching out the cushion worried the fleas will take up residence there. On the rare times he goes outside, I have been rubbing him down with alcohol when he comes back inside so maybe that's helping to keep them from infesting the house.

I don't have any nail polish but maybe I should put that on my shopping list.

The price has been listed as $2 and $3 each. The only thing I can figure out is maybe they are looking for buyers wanting dozens or maybe even hundreds of the birds. Maybe they think 6 to 10 wouldn't be worth the bother...

Gorilla Bananas said...

I was wondering what type of guineas you meant. I suspected it was fauna rather than a British unit of currency. So guinea fowl eat parasites? How interesting. But do cats eat guinea fowl?

David Oliver said...

I can honestly say I've never actually seen a guinea gobble down a parasite. I have seen a chicken do it and people say guineas do it and I want to believe!

You bring up an interesting point about the cat. I've no doubt if I open a box with baby guineas in it, my cat will go bananas, (sorry). I'm hoping I can teach him to leave them alone. At any rate if I can get them up to say, half grown, they'll be too big for him to harm.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Hey David! Read your comment at Andrew's site this morning about not adding profanity. Just wanted to say good for you. I didn't put it in my books either.

David Oliver said...

Thanks Alex! It is not that I have anything against using it myself or anyone who does. It is purely being respectful of people who don't want to read or hear it.

Actually in some stories and I think with some personalities it fits because that's the way some people really talk. I just grew up in a household where it was strictly forbidden so my default is not to use it here on my main blog.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Dear Mr Oliver,
Keeping of guinea fowl is a demanding branch of avian husbandry that very few people are capable of undertaking with success. In order to check your suitability you must attend our institute for examination. We are located in New Guinea at the New Guinea Guinea Fowl Institute in Port Moresby. Please report to reception upon arrival.

Yours truly,
Guinea Possessor

David Oliver said...

Dear Mr. Pudding,
Oh no! You mean I can't go about this in my usual slip shod fashion? And I have to go to New Guinea? I am distraught over this news as the thought of going to yet another school is only slightly more distasteful than the idea of traveling to the other side of the world to attend it.

*sigh* I guess a wannabe guinea possessor must do what a wannabe guinea possessor must do. The New Guinea Guinea Fowl Institute does sound like an impressive place. I'll begin making arrangements immediately and will attempt to become as fowl as possible. My hope is when I arrive at that venerable institute, looking and smelling most fowl, they will embrace me as one of their own. said...

Hi, David,
I'll google a guinea (kinda a catchy phrase) and see what it looks like. And that's a good use of alcohol, so long as Leo doesn't drive after the rub down.
Be well, David.

David Oliver said...

*laughing* Yep, and no worries about Leo driving. After getting stranded and lost as a kitten from hitching a ride in my son's car, (unbeknownst to my son), Leo won't go anywhere near a car.

A Beer for the Shower said...

"I think the only people who have it are solicitors (thank you Verizon), who want to sell me everything except guineas."

Seriously, when I signed up for Verizon, I might as well have just signed up for the DO CALL list. That's the opposite of the DO NOT CALL list. But at least I'm not lonely when I'm at home during the day. I get calls from all my favorite friends - the car warranty guy, the home insurance guy, and my favorite, the go back to college guy! No, Mr. go back to college guy, I STILL have a master's degree, and I STILL don't want to go back to college ever again for some other random useless degree. But thanks for not listening, and I'll talk to you when you call tomorrow!

Also, I tried Craigslist before, and just got nothing but spam. I never had any luck - buying OR selling.

David Oliver said...

Yep. Well guys that makes three of us and I'm betting we could add several zeros to that three. Corporate America has no conscience despite the fact the Supreme court has ruled that to some degree corporations have rights like an individual. It is probably time the court revisited that decision.

David Oliver said...

BTW, I know you were being both serious and funny (which to me is the best writing), and I laughed all the way through your comment.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Just make sure you have plenty of guineas on you to pay the fee!

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