Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Just Blame Me

This morning, quite a bit before dawn, it rained again.  Actually it was almost a storm with distant lightning and thunder.  Leo and I had slept all night.  I think it has helped both of us that once again he's stopped crawling up beside me on the couch* and sleeping.  He's back to sleeping in my chair at the dining room table.

I'm not sure why he's stopped sleeping beside me on the couch.  I suspect it is because he saw me taking vitamins and mistook that for flea pills.  Likely, assuming he has me infected, his job is done.  The joke's on him.  I'm still flea free.

Anyway I woke up totally rested and ready to make myself a more sane and interesting person.  Lots of luck with that I say to myself as distant lightning lit up the sky.  Thunder, wind and rain followed, severe enough that I cut most electrical things off.  Including, if unintentional, my brain.  Leo had seemed in no hurry to go outside until he heard the thunder and rain.  At that point knowing he couldn't, he stood at the door and meow'd to get outside.  At the risk of bodily injury, I opened the door to show him what frightful things Mother Nature was doing.  He stood there for a moment, turned his head toward me and meow'd loudly as if to say, "why are you doing this again?"

I get blamed for everything.  The weather, the fleas, the ticks and today boredom, because he can't go outside.  And it is not just Leo, the kids do it too.  And the relatives!  Well, some of 'em.

I'm fed up!  For the rest of this month, at every opportunity, I'm going to launch a tirade about assigning blame and fault.  I might have tee shirts printed up saying "NO, I did not cause your [insert problem].


*Yes I do have beds which are sleep capable.  My use for them is limited to dying and, as Adrian put it in a comment, carnal frolic.  Since I've grown weary lately of chasing frolicky women and show no signs of impending death I have little use for the beds.
For those people who are hygienically sensitive, I do put sheets on the couch and change them regularly.

20 comments:

Andrew Leon said...

I used to sleep on the couch a lot. In some ways, I still like the couch better than the bed, just not in most ways.

ADRIAN said...

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Leo will dream and muse until he thinks of another stick to beat you with. I used to have a cat who if he didn't like the look of the weather from the back door he'd go and insist on checking it from the front door.

David Oliver said...

I'm not sure why I like sleeping on the couch so much. It might have something to do with babies and cats whining just before they go to sleep. Maybe none of us, human or animal, really like to go to sleep. On the couch it sort of creeps up on us like an attacker from behind and clobbers us on the head.

David Oliver said...

Adrian you always make me laugh. And there's always truth in what you say. I can picture that cat heading to the front door. I am now in dread of the stick-in-waiting from Leo. No longer can I take any comfort when he's curled up, apparently sleeping peacefully. I'll assume he's dreaming and musing about sticks.

Carol Kilgore said...

I can see this entire encounter taking place. I love your stories.

The Crow said...

Great story, and so right-on about cats. They take no responsibility for anything! Still, I can't help but love cats.

David Oliver said...

Thanks Carol. I appreciate you!

David Oliver said...

*laughing* It's true Martha! They often remind me of toddlers in the way they seem totally unaware that you might not have time to cater to their every whim.

Thank you and hope you are still writing and painting.

Should Fish More said...

A few weeks after my aunt Jessie died in 1971 my dad phoned me and said we should go visit Ding, give him some company for the day. We drove over from Bend to Springfield, went to his house, dad opened the door and announced our presence. Ding yelled from the back of the house that he'd be right out. We went in. In the living room there was a blanket and pillow on the sofa. "Aww, poor guy. He can't bring himself to sleep in his and Jessie's bed." dad said.

Ding came out, greeted us, then said "Hey, come look at this!" We followed him to the bedroom. The headboard, frame and mattress were disassembled and against one wall. In the middle of the room was a full size pool table. "Always wanted one." Ding said proudly.

David Oliver said...

Great story! Mike you should post this on your blog. I like so much.

Cro Magnon said...

This very morning I woke to find my wife sleeping on an outdoor couch (under a covered terrace). She'd crept out whilst I was asleep, as it was too hot and airless in our bedroom.

I've been searching for a really nice wing-back chair in which to sleep; beds are NOT such a big deal.

David Oliver said...

Yes Cro, we live and learn such things as this.

I hope you good luck in finding that chair. If you don't mind a used one, you might find it on, ugh...craigslist. My son's GF found a nice dining room set - well, a nice cheap but sturdy set - delivered for only $80.00. A new one would have cost ten times that much. My search on craigslist was much less productive to say the least.

A Beer For The Shower said...

Ha! This was great. My cat does the same thing, especially when it's snowing. She wants to go out so badly, so I take her and say fine, go outside. Then I open the door, she steps out into the snow, and gets angry that it's cold and wet. So she runs inside all mad, and for the rest of the morning I'M the jerk.

Also, I love sleeping on the couch. When my wife is out of town on business, I sleep on the couch. And before I met her, when I lived alone, I slept on the couch every single night. I prefer it to my bed any day, and I've got a pretty nice bed. But for whatever reason, nothing seems to beat the feeling of sleeping on a nice couch.

Andrew Leon said...

Now, I'm wondering if there is some kind of male couch gene.

David Oliver said...

Thanks. My elder son is fond of telling me how none of us is a unique flower. Sorry I can't remember the movie where this phrase permanently seated itself in his brain. Anyway when I was thinking about writing this and trying to talk my self out of it, I thought, "aww if I do it, likely other people do too.

David Oliver said...

Maybe some outfit or college will do a study. I'm sure Corporate America would if they thought they could make any money off it. I can see the bedraggled old dude now on a commercial. That would be the "before" shot. And the after? Well...pills, treatment, whatever they can dream up. There he is with the busty blonde. All decked out and doing the Boogie.

Andrew Leon said...

They never do the studies I find interesting.
And I wonder if this is how the fold out couch bed came from.

David Oliver said...

You are right about the studies. It is always crap you couldn't care less about.

The fold out couch bed? Hmmm, well I think people would still come and spend the night when couches first came in to general use. My guess that is it. If I were going to make my couch into a bed - and I think it does - I would just go to bed.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

For what it's worth, David, I blame you for nothing. But I do HATE being blamed for things that aren't my fault. It's maddening. So I let my roommate deal with the cat as much as possible.

xoRobyn

David Oliver said...

*laughing* Robyn that is very funny! Good idea about the roommate. If I thought anyone could stand living with me and Leo, I would begin a search. I would want to be truthful in my ad...maybe this:

Nutty old guy and cantankerous cat seeking roommate. Potential victims, err applicants will be responsible for the cat's happiness and well being. Those taking prescription tranquilizers will be considered first.

Post a Comment