Tuesday, July 30, 2013

My Dog Needs a Bun!

Since I google everything now I thought, "why not look and see if there's any real reason why hot dogs come 10 to a pack and buns only 8."  I got lots of hits but no reasons, just some semi snarky answers.

Even though this mismatch has been a fact of life for a long time, that is no reason for us consumers to put up with it any longer.  Sure I know it is no big deal.  Everyone gets the munchies and grabbing a raw dog and wolfing it down...well, there's no bun anyway so why let it lay there in the fridge?  It is just begging to be eaten.

The thing is we really would like to have 10 buns but we make do.  We can't do this anymore because, folks, it is a slippery slope!  Next thing you know, they'll be making gloves with nine fingers.  How do I know this?  I've been listening to the voices in my head!  And they tell me that Corporate America is an expert advertiser.  He will say the next great thing is NineFinger gloves!  And start going on about how great it would be to have your index finger free.  He'll say, "think of the things you can do with that free finger."  Why, you could even pick your nose if you wanted!

You might be wondering why Corporate America would choose booger picking as an advertising gimmick over say, tick picking or some other thing.  The voices in my head (sorry, Andrew) explained this to me.  It is not enough for American industry to save material.  The real money is in a new product.  They have invented the Booger Bag which they will make out of the unused finger material.  Yes they will need a bit more material but they can kill naugas* for that.

You get a big old itchy booger and you simply can't wait until you get to a restroom?  No problem!  Just extract said booger and deposit in the Booger Bag.  "Ewww," you say, "that booger bag would get nasty."  Precisely and here is the beauty of the plan.  Not only will Corporate America sell you a pair of gloves and a booger bag, they will also sell you Booger Bag inserts!  And wet wipes to tidy up with!  Money, money, money!  Folks it is virtually a gold mine.

See?  See what can happen from slippery slopeness?  I urge you to put those buns back on the shelf and JUST SAY NO!

*where naugahide comes from

17 comments:

Andrew Leon said...

Your voices scare me. Not because they are scary but because that almost makes sense.
Although I'm pretty sure no one is actually going to be marketing anything based on nose picking... but I could be wrong.

I'm pretty sure they already sell those gloves. Well, 8-finger gloves, but that's pretty close. That way you have your choice of index finger based on the nostril, right?

David Oliver said...

*laughing* Yeah, 8-finger gloves is a better idea. I would be scared too if I actually heard those voices.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Don't some people eat hot dogs without buns? I seem to have an image in my mind... As for nose-picking, that should be done with a small spatula. I believe they are available in chemistry sets, but it's about time Corporate American sold them individually to booger pickers.

David Oliver said...

MORE *laughing* Gorilla, you are on a roll tonight!

I'm sure everybody eats the two extra hot dogs without a bun. Anti bread people probably always eat them without a bun but I'm pro bread, both literally and figuratively.

.............uh, pardon me...........I'm pretty sure there's..........an old chemistry set around here somewhere.

ADRIAN said...

Yes and two speed walking sticks! I wish they sold shoes in ones. I have one foot bigger than the other which is better than only having one foot.

David Oliver said...

Oh yeah Adrian, I think any foot is better than no foot. And my right is bigger than my left. We should ask Gorilla Bananas and see if apes have that too.

By the way, I'm not sure what speed walking sticks are. Maybe they shock you if they stay in contact with the ground too long. That should set a right good pace if they were timed properly. You know what people would start doing though? They would get tired and cheat. You would go to Wal-Mart and there would be 20 old men leaning against the shelves and tap, tap, tapping to keep from getting shocked.

I guess it wouldn't be bad if they got a rhythm going...

Should Fish More said...

One more blog about nose picking and it's quits.........I'm surprisingly queasy about certain things. Blood, trauma, triage I can do, but things from the nasopharnyx region make me abandon the patient.

As an alternative (and yes, I agree re the hot dog buns) I go to a bakery and get single kaiser rolls.

David Oliver said...

Okay Mike, no more nose picking blogs. I don't have a problem with that. Actually I had concerns about this one but that's true of about 50% of the things I write.

Should Fish More said...

Actually, I guess I'm not that 'queasy'......my oldest daughter and I used to run 10k races together; her nose would run and she'd sidle over to me and grab my t-shirt and blow her nose on the bottom side. People running near us would mutter "jesus...." and peel away in disgust.

David Oliver said...

hehe, yep. Parents get a fast lesson in how to become less squeamish as soon as baby comes home from the hospital. Those lessons continue for several years.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I'm going to dare to be sexist here, David. I suggest the booger picking bag would only be popular amongst men. Women, of course, never pick. We daintily shove the twisted ends of Kleenex tissues up our nostrils til it all spills out. As far as hot dogs and buns, there are more hot dogs, because there are always those men who refuse to wrap their wieners. It detracts from enjoyment, so I've heard.

xoRobyn

David Oliver said...

I don't think it is sexist to point out that men and women are not the same. And I am happy that is true. You are right about the hot dogs too. It irritates me that there's only 8 buns in a package but when I run out of buns, I never think, "this dog sure would taste better with a bun."

A Beer For The Shower said...

The Booger Bag isn't all that different from a gentleman's handkerchief. Blow your nose, leave your boogers in your pocket all day... hey look, the handkerchief came undone, now the inside of my pants are warm and sticky (and not in the good way). If the bag closes, then it's already beaten the handkerchief.

David Oliver said...

Yep, that's the missing piece. I'm thinking a couple of Velcro strips and maybe even a little pocket on the back for wet wipes. Dump that hanky. Slide this little number in your back pocket and you're good to go.

Helsie said...

Oh Heavens this is so sad .... because there is a seed of truth there !!!

David Oliver said...

Hi Helsie! Sorry I missed your comment. I'm not notified when comments are added so sometimes I miss them.

daisyfae said...

there is a regional bakery that now provides 10 bun packages - and i believe the genius behind it might have gotten a promotion! as a child, my mother had a solution to the 'more dogs than buns' problem - she'd dice up the two leftover hot dogs and put them on pizzas, put them in scrambled eggs, or in some other odd usage.

as for the booger-bag? suspect they'd get good usage if they are kept near the ashtray of an automobile -- i seem to see A LOT of people thinking they are completely invisible in their cars. diving in right up to the second knuckle sometimes...

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